7-7-17 Okay, so I started this blog to talk about my personal life and here we go again…At the end of last month I was put in the ICU of the hospital because my leg infection traveled in my blood to my brain and I started to hallucinated. Caycee stopped by without telling me and basically saved my life. I never liked her but now, I have to admit, I do. I was in the hospital for 6 days and then left against medical advice as I was having a panic attack and they refused to give me my anxiety meds…Seriously hospital staff? You kept saying I shouldn’t be leaving but you won’t give me my meds which is why I you said
I had to stay? Yes, the medical staff helped save my life but it was a misreable experience. Then I leave the hospital and they give me no meds. I had to go back to the ER to get a scrip. Then I go home and don’t pee for 3 days because I was that dehydrated yet when I left the hosp. I had no fluids hooked up to me. I have to say I am not impressed with UK hospital one bit. So…

When I Was Pregnant

When I was pregnant...No one said congratulations. I was married and employed and everyone was just mortified even though some of them barely knew me. When I was pregnant no one took any photos of me. No one measured my stomach against a wall for a fun chart. No one took me out for a day of pampering. When I was pregnant I actually lost friends and jobs and family support.

When I gave birth...When I gave birth a few relatives stepped up and sent gifts and said congrats and came to meet my son...if I drove somewhere close to them. When I gave birth the few local friends had all gave me some sort of gift and then basically, they all vanished. I did not keep one friend passed the time my son turned about 6-7 months old.

When my son got all of his diagnoses...Everyone I know shared pity. Said their 'I'm sorries' and snickered behind my back as various other people kept me informed of the snickering, even though I kept asking them to stop telling me. Family all said they were s…

Why I am the way I am

Before I got pregnant I was skinny and did mall runway shows and some catalog work. I had a ton of friends and went out night and day. Then I got married and got pregnant and gained weight and started plus modeling and lost every single friend I had. I made a few new ones, but I really thought my friends, some who were friends for close to 20 years...I thought they were true friends. I never thought I would have to worry about losing them due to my appearance changing. I was sad for a bit. I was mad for a bit. Then, I got over it because...Who needs the shallowness of people who would actually throw away a friendship over some fat? Did I start robbing banks and stabbing people? Did I start kicking babies and drowning strangers? Seriously? This world is so messed up that they consider fat to be a crime. That's when I started my size advocacy fight. I fight for the rights of plus sized people to just be treated as humans. You wouldn't think that would be such a hard thing to ach…

My legs

So it is 3 something a.m. and I am wide awake. Not because I don't want to sleep. Not because I am revved up on caffeine, but because of pain. My right leg is so swollen from Lyphodema and cellulitis and ulcers and wounds that it is throbbing and feels like parts of it are on fire, and people all say "I understand" but they don't. They think I should take an Advil and get over it. I was in the hosp. for 2 weeks on so many pain killers and antibiotics and I couldn't get over it then so why would a fucking Advil help me get over it now? Don't act like you understand unless you have ever had this issue this severely. You can say nice things like "I am sorry you are in pain" or even the "cheesy get well soon", but the you understanding bullshit and the take a pill and get over it bullshit has got to stop! It's like me stabbing you in the fucking eye and saying here, have some Tylenol, you will be fine in an hour or so...Do you unde…