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Pain and Bed Pans...Not Exactly a Love Story

8-24-17 I have finally gotten them to understand that I need to heal a little more before they constantly try and make me stand in physical therapy. They are finally starting to understand my pain as they hear my blood curdling screams when anyone examines my wounds. Finally, they realize I have been in the hospital on and off for almost the entire year because I am not doing well. Jeeze, it only took me 8 months to get them to realize that…
8-25-17 The worst part about being in the hospital? Other than the obvious of being sick and in pain is that I have to use a bed pan. So every time I need to go to the bathroom I hit the nurse call button in my room and someone comes in and puts me on a bed pan so…I am basically peeing while lying down in bed. So now every morning, and I do mean every morning I was up having one of those dreams that I have to pee and I am looking for a bathroom and blah blah blah and the thing is, before I got sick I subconsciously knew that I had to wake up and …

Hospital Sweet Hospital

8-22-2017 Physical therapy comes into my room first thig this morning. They wake me up and tell me to stand. Well, I can’t, and that’s it. That’s all they do. I ask if there’s anything else, such as exercises in my bed that I can do for physical therapy and they say no. They just need me to stand. To get me to stand they have to turn me on the bed, as I cannot move my left leg. Then they dangle my legs from the side of the bed and lower the bed. Since the bed is still too high they then drain the mattress of all of its air so I am sitting on metal and it hurts, and then they have me stand, which as I mentioned, I cannot do. I ask is there any exercise I can be doing to make me stronger so that I can stand soon. They say no. They ask if I want them to cancel physical therapy from now on. I say no because I know when you turn down a hospital service it gets held against you. It shouldn’t, but it does. One of the times they sent me home from the hospital in the past before I was fully h…

In Continuing Care Now

8-21-17 I have started watching a lot of home improvement shows since I have been moved from the regular hospital to the continuing care hospital.  I have spent most of this year in the hospital though they always end up sending me home before I am better so then of course I came back. This last time though they sent me home and the doctor even said I still have an infection but he had to send me home but with meds so I would get all better. I went home and a day and a half after the meds ran out I woke up throwing up bile. I called an ambulance and now the infection is so bad it is not just in my leg it is n my blood. I have about 5 infections right now. I have severe legs wounds and pain. I should have never been sent home. My doctor admits it but the insurance didn’t want me to stay at the hospital. This time however, since I have spent more than 7 months on and off in the hospital my insurance is paying for the long-term care. Now that it may be too late. They are talking about p…

The ICU

7-7-17 Okay, so I started this blog to talk about my personal life and here we go again…At the end of last month I was put in the ICU of the hospital because my leg infection traveled in my blood to my brain and I started to hallucinated. Caycee stopped by without telling me and basically saved my life. I never liked her but now, I have to admit, I do. I was in the hospital for 6 days and then left against medical advice as I was having a panic attack and they refused to give me my anxiety meds…Seriously hospital staff? You kept saying I shouldn’t be leaving but you won’t give me my meds which is why I you said
I had to stay? Yes, the medical staff helped save my life but it was a misreable experience. Then I leave the hospital and they give me no meds. I had to go back to the ER to get a scrip. Then I go home and don’t pee for 3 days because I was that dehydrated yet when I left the hosp. I had no fluids hooked up to me. I have to say I am not impressed with UK hospital one bit. So…

When I Was Pregnant

When I was pregnant...No one said congratulations. I was married and employed and everyone was just mortified even though some of them barely knew me. When I was pregnant no one took any photos of me. No one measured my stomach against a wall for a fun chart. No one took me out for a day of pampering. When I was pregnant I actually lost friends and jobs and family support.

When I gave birth...When I gave birth a few relatives stepped up and sent gifts and said congrats and came to meet my son...if I drove somewhere close to them. When I gave birth the few local friends had all gave me some sort of gift and then basically, they all vanished. I did not keep one friend passed the time my son turned about 6-7 months old.

When my son got all of his diagnoses...Everyone I know shared pity. Said their 'I'm sorries' and snickered behind my back as various other people kept me informed of the snickering, even though I kept asking them to stop telling me. Family all said they were s…

Why I am the way I am

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Before I got pregnant I was skinny and did mall runway shows and some catalog work. I had a ton of friends and went out night and day. Then I got married and got pregnant and gained weight and started plus modeling and lost every single friend I had. I made a few new ones, but I really thought my friends, some who were friends for close to 20 years...I thought they were true friends. I never thought I would have to worry about losing them due to my appearance changing. I was sad for a bit. I was mad for a bit. Then, I got over it because...Who needs the shallowness of people who would actually throw away a friendship over some fat? Did I start robbing banks and stabbing people? Did I start kicking babies and drowning strangers? Seriously? This world is so messed up that they consider fat to be a crime. That's when I started my size advocacy fight. I fight for the rights of plus sized people to just be treated as humans. You wouldn't think that would be such a hard thing to ach…

My legs

4-22-17
So it is 3 something a.m. and I am wide awake. Not because I don't want to sleep. Not because I am revved up on caffeine, but because of pain. My right leg is so swollen from Lyphodema and cellulitis and ulcers and wounds that it is throbbing and feels like parts of it are on fire, and people all say "I understand" but they don't. They think I should take an Advil and get over it. I was in the hosp. for 2 weeks on so many pain killers and antibiotics and I couldn't get over it then so why would a fucking Advil help me get over it now? Don't act like you understand unless you have ever had this issue this severely. You can say nice things like "I am sorry you are in pain" or even the "cheesy get well soon", but the you understanding bullshit and the take a pill and get over it bullshit has got to stop! It's like me stabbing you in the fucking eye and saying here, have some Tylenol, you will be fine in an hour or so...Do you unde…